Elissa Jaroud, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Pennsylvania, explains intrusive thoughts and how to deal with individuals who experience this type of thinking. Intrusive thoughts can be unwanted and distressing, including images, thoughts, or urges that can be bothersome to the individual.
Intrusive Thoughts and Their Impact on Daily Life
Intrusive thoughts are particularly common in individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). These thoughts may include fears of violence, sexual issues, religion, relationships, and feelings of guilt. While many people can dismiss these thoughts, those with OCD may struggle to understand the meaning of these thoughts and the likelihood of acting on them.
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Jaroud states, "We consider these thoughts to be important and meaningful." Many of her patients may hold onto these thoughts for years and feel shame about them. These individuals may ask, "Why do I have these thoughts? Does this mean I am a monster?"
How to Handle Intrusive Thoughts
To help individuals with intrusive thoughts, the first step is to thank them for trusting you. Avoid responses like "How can you think that?" or "Don't say that," as they may intensify their feelings of shame. Instead, emphasize that these thoughts do not change your relationship.
Jaroud suggests, "These thoughts seem really scary." It is also important to allow the person to elaborate more with a warm and friendly tone. If you are suddenly surprised by the topic, instead of ignoring it, acknowledge it and say, "I wasn't expecting that, but I want to hear more."
In situations where someone you care about is worried about an intrusive thought, you may feel inclined to reassure them. However, if they repeatedly ask the same question, responding repeatedly can be part of the OCD cycle. For example, if your partner keeps asking whether an unwanted thought means they are dangerous, you can reassure them, but this may lead to a cycle of needing reassurance again and again.
Jaroud says, "Emphasizing their feelings and expressing confidence in their ability to get through this discomfort can be helpful." You can also discuss changing your approach in responding to these types of questions, especially if it has become a habit.
Ultimately, if unwanted thoughts cause significant distress or impact daily life, you can help the individual find a therapist. This should be done without pressure, starting with a statement like, "If you want, I can help you find a therapist."
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