Crying can occur at inappropriate times such as performance reviews, difficult conversations, and unpleasant medical appointments. However, psychologists provide strategies to reduce the intensity of crying and maintain composure.
Controlling Crying in Sensitive Moments
Kohna, a therapist in North Carolina, refers to the concept of "adaptive suppression" and states, "This is a deliberate and short-term process used in specific situations." Crying is not entirely under our control and involves a complex interplay of brain and emotional processes. Therefore, a firm "no" may not always be effective.
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He describes crying as a "release valve for the nervous system" and says that this act allows the body to release emotions. In a small study, women's heart rates increased before and during crying and then returned to normal. These findings suggest that crying can be part of the relaxation process.
Techniques to Prevent Crying
To prevent crying, it is best to act at the early stages. When you feel your eyes starting to burn or your breathing changes, take action. Lauren Bilsma, a professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, says, "Once someone starts to cry, it is difficult to bring it back." She also points to the impact of the individual's emotional state, noting that if a person is under stress, the likelihood of crying increases.
In critical moments, slow down your breathing. Kohna mentions deep breathing and says, "Long breaths are very important." He also suggests that if you are in a position where you can, maintain your calm by singing a tune.
The fear of crying can itself become an emotional event. When you notice tears, concerns about others' opinions may pressure you. To cope with this feeling, focus your attention on neutral sensory details. For example, pay attention to the texture of the chair you are sitting on or the sound of the air conditioning.
Identifying your emotions can also help reduce tension. Expressing that "I feel confused" or "I feel unwell" can make this experience seem less mysterious and allow you to decide how to react.
At times, the best way to relieve pressure is to temporarily exit the situation. For example, you can step out of the meeting or go to the restroom and move around a bit. This can help calm your nervous system.
Sometimes, preventing crying means protecting yourself. Kohna felt that if she cried during an unpleasant medical appointment, she would have failed. After reflecting, she told herself, "I have nothing to apologize for, and it is you who should apologize."
Ultimately, if these techniques are not effective, admitting your feelings can bring more calm. At a conference, when she became emotional, she told the audience, "Can you wait a minute? I feel strange." This simple expression helped her regain her composure and continue her speech.
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